Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
