i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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