Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize