I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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