Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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