I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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