you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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