I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
