you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
