So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
