i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
