I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
