wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
