Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
