did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
