you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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