are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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