I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
