i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just invented taco cereal.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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