no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
