You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
