is your mom at the bar?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
