You're my little dorito
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
