GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
