I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
