Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
