wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize