So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
