no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize