so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
