i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
