this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
