it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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