looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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