I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
