I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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