the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
