i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize