Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
