I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
