i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
