you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
