proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
