so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm like, not good at living.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
