it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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