I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
