hell yes lets make some ravioli
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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