My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
