u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
