I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
