Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize