My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
