Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
