We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
