Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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