I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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