mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
