i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you would pick up someone in the library
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
