I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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