WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
