It's just like the Real World with babies
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
last night I used snow as a chaser
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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