I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
