im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
