At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
