What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I checked into jail on foursquare
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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