She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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