ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
