I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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