I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
