just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
