my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
