I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
birth control should be required to get into college
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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