i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
