yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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