We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
