He uses pillows to masturbate.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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