I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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