Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
