"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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