What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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