I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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