i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i already hear my dad disowning me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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