ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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