The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
