Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize