You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
