dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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