some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
