He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
