i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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