Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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