There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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