Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
