Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
