Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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