Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
