This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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