did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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