You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
