Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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