question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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