You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
