HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's on the porch naked. Help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
