awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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