for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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