She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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