I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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