did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
