If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
