I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
